Have you ever thought of something that used to be your reasons to smile?
Have you ever thought of moments that used to make you feel like you are in the ninth heaven?
Have you ever thought of those simple gestures that made you want to freeze the moment and never want to move to the next level?
Of course you did. If you had those moments in life and while you enjoy those memorable events that gave you romantic excitement, there were those moments that you wished you never had gone through.
There were also those times where you had hoped you never met someone whom you used to cherish but gave you reasons to hate the world.
For so many reasons, we, humans aren’t spared of getting hurt and being happy. Life is like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes, you are happy at the top of your lungs while often, you are down to deepest hole of darkness.
We experience different shades of brokenness. We loss people that matters to us–loved ones, friends, relatives and brake ups. While we are succumbed with sadness, often we have different reactions to how we are going to move on and how are going to deal with it.
While I had gone through both break up and losing someone that mattered most to me in the past year, I was left with this question. When I believed I was over something but NOT.
It just came to me abruptly. How would I say I was over my break up and had moved on?
1. I can talk about it without in tears.
Admittedly, I am strongly emotional. I easily cry over things. I cry over the sad story of someone else’s, of the break up of someone else’s. I always let myself feel what the experience of someone is and that is how I connect to them. That’s how I understand them. Yes, I am blunt and straight forward but my respect to people is high.
When I went through that same experience, I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and made myself understand the pain I’m going through. I accepted the fact that I have no control over the matter. I taught myself to move on and accept that fact that things happen for reasons. Lastly, I managed to talk to it now smiling not crying. I believe I am healing gracefully.
2. I can talk to the person involved without sounding sarcastic.
To be honest, breaking up with kids involve is harder than the common break ups for boyfriend’s and girlfriend’s. Why did I say that where in fact both situation goes through the same emotional pain? When you broke up as bf or gf’s, you only focus on your personal pain. You focus on healing alone while having the kids involved means forgetting about your pain but focus on helping the most vulnerable people involved in healing. While you make sure your kids won’t feel the most painful experience at a very young age, you have to be strong in front of them.
Not only that, time will come they’ll ask you when they can talk to their father or mother. In my case, I allowed them to talk to their dad. I didn’t teach them to hate him despite the situation they are in. They knew what broken family is but they don’t feel like they are broken because I made sure they are complete. ❤
3. I forgive BUT I don’t forget.
I give chances and I’m generous of the word forgiveness however, I don’t forget how I was treated. How I was hurt and how I learned the lessons from the painful experiences. Seriously speaking, I preferred cutting ties with someone rather than pretend to be okay while being broken in the inside. That’s not moving on is for me. Moving on is not taking the person back in my life. I may have given the chance to talk to that person again but it doesn’t mean I’m taking that person back again. Maybe, I would have just considered that that person is human and still exist. 🙂
4. I don’t play a VICTIM.
If I get hurt, I vent and rant. I’ll give the same amount of pain. Maybe when the wound is fresh, I try to hate but not to the extent of believing I didn’t have any participation. I tend to over think and over analyzed.
When my anger subsides, I have to ask myself why it happened and how it happened. When realization hit me, I know I am part of the failure. 🙂 I got hurt but never a victim of how terrible things were. I accept that once, I was part of it. 🙂
So why continue to blame someone of the experiences you have had if most of the time you’re part of it? Why not teach yourself to accept the FACT that being once in a relationship is an involvement of two parties not a single one?
Admittedly, acceptance is the hardest part when you are in pain but truth be told, acceptance is also your key in healing. If you accept, you learn to forgive not that person but you forgive yourself that once in your journey you failed but you managed to bounce back not just tiny but BIG TIME!
Having said that, I am proud to say I have been broken countless times but is healing happily.