The First Eight Months of my 2024

Let me recall how my 2024 has started. It was not a start you would ever wanted to have especially if it involves losing your hard earned money. I was scammed not just once but twice. It was a nightmare. While I was dealing with that, I was also going through a decision about my career. My first quarter was full of doubts and heartbreaks. I was almost at the end of that rope. While uncertainties were trying to weigh me down, I see that dot of hope leading my path to bouncing back.

I let my frustrations as my stepping stone to stay rooted and connected to my dreams. It was mid of April when I made that decision of leaving my almost six years job. It took me three months to plan. Then, I redirected myself going full time with sales and marketing. It was a journey I never thought I’d survive. I was full of what-if’s but that decision surprised me to see how far have I gone so far. I survived my first two months. It was a blessing in disguise things happened unexpectedly.

As I look back, I remember how scary it was to start from the environment I wasn’t accustomed with. I was in war whether I would be able to adjust to the people that I’ll be working with and how will I deal with the new challenges I’d be facing. I wasn’t surprise at all how easily I was able to feel the belongingness with the new team. I am grateful to my new managers and coworkers. They are so accommodating and helpful to make me adjust and eventually had fun working.

The doubts I had and the what-if’s I was dealing with slowly fade away. I have been working with sales for almost for months now and I can say that, there are goods and bad that can test and weigh your optimism down but the good side of experiencing it is way different from what the worked I have had in the past. I cannot still contain myself from the excitements whenever I learn new things. The rejection to what I do is a lot more manageable to how it used to affects, the time and days that I only have to work, and most importantly was the time I spend with my kids.

The changes that happened made me realize that this was my prayers few years back. The sooner my boys especially will stop asking when will I have more time with them. When will I get the chance to be present in any of their school’s extra curricular activities that requires my present at their mom. Or when will I have the time to see them off and pick them at their school. The redirection and the changes taught me to be kinder, calmer, take care of myself and know what TIME for my children is way important than just providing what they need.

Apart from having more time with my children, I also get the chance to go to places I always postponed on visiting. I get the chance to travel and have a really work-life balance. It also taught me to enjoy and appreciate little things. That living simply means to enjoy and live your life fully.

Grateful Five Years

It is just amazing to realize that I am in the Fundraising industry for five years now. I can hardly imagine how I have survived the rejections, learned valuable lessons and most importantly the art of letting go and moving forward. I can remember clearly how I looked when I first hit the field. The shock was all over my face that if you would have seen me that day, you can tell not even in a nanosecond.

It is funny to look back on those days. I can attest that first day, first week and first month, was always about of testing you whether to push for it or just leave it. I was there. I remember how I push myself into going to work the next day and wondering when will I stop questioning myself or doubting myself if I still can do the job.

It feels crazy how I used to be so emotional that I cried most of the first three weeks in the field. While I remember myself being introvert, ashamed and hesitant in approaching people, made me wonder how times went by this fast and how it made me see things differently along the way. It taught me a lot– coming out from my comfort zone, starting to embrace what it is like to be in the public and talking to strangers became a gift to me these days.

Being part of something I wasn’t used, is some sort of a battle of personality because I am not used to the idea of being exposed to the public even though I have had experienced training people, handling videoconferencing, to name a few made it a bit complicated. It felt surreal to have that experience outside the frame of my computer. No matter how it felt easy to be on the phone with people, the transition was bit of my challenge.

It took me awhile to slowly conquer the fear of being rejected, being looked down and being judge. Because the good side of having been in the position made me believe that having the courage to speak in public is a gift that not every one is blessed to have. The art of communicating your idea without being intimidated with people of different walks of life made the whole experience worthwhile.

Having overcame those inner battles that I have had, made me feel that five years seemed to be just few months ago. The growth and the learnings I had with the organization and the people whom I have worked with brought so much to reminisce that even to this moment still give me an awe of myself with how much I have grown, how much I have learned and how much I have gone so far.

The five years in the service with the hope of helping the undeserved Filipino children of the Philippines is a motivation to someone whose life experience was almost the same with thr advocacy aligned with the campaign that I do for these children. Five years indeed, is quite a journey I have ever had.

When in doubt, alone and lonely

The world has a lot to either offer,to break, to frustrate, to make you loose hope, or worst just make you drop every thing and would never give you any way out to get back on your feet again. I am sure you have been there. You have done the same thing. You have gone through good and worst time in your life. But what made you keep moving forward? What motivates you from gaining back all the courage to get back on your feet again?

Ain’t easy to be strong all the time. It is not easy to smile all the time either. It is hard to push yourself when you are drained emotionally, mentally and physically, Often, it is just hard to be unbothered, regardless. However, being brave to still wish to see the light of the next morning, wake up healthy and with your loveones is a sign to begin with . We do have different copping mechanism. We do stuff that will give us the chance to find our way back and live again.

If life is giving us a hard time, recognize it. Don’t deny it. Because the more we deny it, the more it gets tougher. When we recognize the culprit of our misfortune, we get a new perspective on how we can conquer it. We get to strategize on how we are to execute it. Because once we are sure of the steps again, we are willing to take the risks of starting again.

If we think that there is no breakthrough to all the challenges life throws us, or whenever we are out into a situation where we feel like there is no way out, being hopeful is the least we actually have. Even if the only thing you have is that tiny dot of hope in you, you still believe it. You get to envision a new beginning. You get a clearer picture of what is the next step you want to take. You start to feel that tingling senstation of fire and the happiness is building up. You start to get excited again. Isn’t it amazing to start even with that tiny dot of hope that will help you ignite the fire again?

Regardless of what we have had experience, we still find in our hearts that pinch of gratefulness. We start to appreciate that it happened and we learned a valuable lesson of a life time. It feels like a reward because it changed you into becoming a better person. The journey you took even it was all bumpy in the beginning brought you the happiness you are enjoying now. Because the core of life is not all about the good things you get but it is also the worst experiences you surpass.

Compassion in the midsts of uncertainty

The world is on a twisting bliss. One moment we were free from doing anything we want—shopping at the malls, having late out nights with friends, lesser time spent with our love ones, and so much more. The unending freedom suddenly was frozen when Covid-19 happened earlier of 2020. I am sure, people have adopted flexibly to that abrupt change. I, myself, did despite the overwhelming fear of bringing the virus home to my love ones. I bravely put my fears behind, instead went out to the field as what most frontliners do. Yes, I am a frontliner. I was once asked, why I still choose to continue with my fundraising job—because my heart cries for the undeserved children. It was what made me continue with that, I can fully say that 2020 ended well despite the fact that virus was still there.

When 2021 came into the picture, I was full of hope. I was overjoyed that this year is going to be a breakthrough. A lot of great things happened especially in the first quarter of the year, however the unwelcomed uncertainty hits the nation again when the government put the neighboring areas on ECQ. I felt like we are back to square one and with that being said, my inner peace was shaken. The government cannot sustain the needs of the nation if this ECQ will last longer than the predicted days.

While the anxiety is increasing, the mixed emotions of being grateful and being afraid of the possibilities is undeniably disturbing. As a certified overthinker, I had all the why’s piling up. The what’s that clearly made the experience surreal, etc. But what else can I do than to take care of my sanity? I have boys who lean on me. They need me—which is actually my biggest fear.

As I am on a two weeks work-from-home set up, I am grateful of that opportunity to be able to have the chance to talk to my friends online. I don’t forget people but when I work, I don’t get the chance to ask how they are doing. Some of them are thriving, some are mentally and emotionally challenged, most are doing well but are starting to fear the unknown. Somehow, I had the time comforting them. I was able to spent time talking to them over the phone, reassuring them that this will past is something that me more compassionate of being their listener during this trying time.

Realization hit me hard. While these people struggle to find the right person they can talk to, I on the other hand, have people that I can open up anythime, people that reasssures me and be there for me. My job has helped me alot to chose my battles. Being exposed to public, meeting people with different walks of life helped me gained the chance to listen and understand.

It is a matter of giving these people the chance to freely express how they feel. And it is what most of us need. We need someone who will let us talk and express our grievances without judgment. People who is willing to share their time is already a blessing to anyone. Please choosse to be a blessing..

Learning in the midst of Brokenness

We all go through heartbreaks–can be minimal and or those we call hitting the rock bottom big time. As we continue to wallow on the pains we had for days, weeks, months or even years, we come to a conclusion that break ups or loses cause us emotional disturbances. There are times we question our decisions. Moments where we reminisce of the sacrifices we made but still end up brokenhearted.

Do we deserve this? Was it worth all the effort we’ve done? Did we do our best while with the person involve? Were we distracted with our priorities– dream work, plans for the future, etc.

Or we end things because no matter how much we tried harder, the result we keep on getting is still the same. Or did we put so much perfection and expectation that we forgot that the person we are involved with is just merely human like us who can make mistakes without realizing it.

When we are brokenhearted we often focus on the other side of the story. We do not usually recognize our participation to why it happened in the beginning. We point most the fingers to the person involve because we are so full of anguish, revenge and dwell much on the pain we are going through. But have we ever thought at least once that things happened because we are part of it?

As we continue to dwell on the why’s and the how’s, we came to a point and slowly realize that yes, we have made this and that mistakes, too not the other person alone. We have forgotten that we have been in that situation and because we allowed it, the blame is on the other person solely. But little did we know that our time and effort with dwelling to that situation has caused it too.

While we recognize the pain we caused the other person, accepting it is somehow difficult. Acceptance is a process and so as with healing and forgiveness. We forgive the person who caused us pain, but we shouldn’t forget to forgive ourselves, too. Self love, healing and forgiveness is the first step towards forgiving the people who caused us the pain. It is the start of the lessons we are learning.

Although it will never be an easy journey to accept, to forgive and to move on, the value of time and effort will help you to bring back the good thoughts we once lost. We are going to learn to love our self more. We are going to respect our self more. We are going to forgive and accept our self more.

Digging deeper to who we really are is already a learning while we are mending our brokenness. There is good opportunity to learn our more about who we are while we are healing. Rather than we continue to wallow and hate, use it as the beginning to learn more about who we are. To start anew is what matters, We will not grow when we do not make mistakes. We won’t learn anything new when we do not fail.

Realistically speaking, life is about failing and bouncing back. Our life will be stagnant if there were no heartbreaks, failures and pains. It won’t be as exciting to live and there were no such things to look forward too if all we want is easy to achieve. We may fail, get hurt, and broken in different aspects of life, our common ground is–we learn from it.

2020: Appreciation

The first two weeks of my 2020 was full of planned activities for my boys, for career progression, etc.  My life plan for the whole of 2020 is laid which I don’t normally do to be honest. But 2020 excites me to think ahead.  I feel like 2020 has a lot to offer and to look forward to–witnessing my boys graduation, spending their summer somewhere, discovering and exploring this and that, etc.  

Last January, I was on a road-trip to Pampanga. It was the first ever caravan for the 2020 and I was one of the pioneers of setting off for a road trip. I was scheduled to work there with the team for ten days. It was also during that time when the Taal Volcano erupted. It was one of the most frustrating moment happened in my life since I am not around my kids. I am away from them and they are just with their nanny. I was feeling helpless for the boys in case worse happened and I was not there for them.

I have realized during that time how important it is to always be near my boys plus being one hell paranoid single mother doesn’t help to ease my frustration. Although, I am confident that the nanny will not abandon them however, I know that that me being near them will be much different. Of course I have no control over the disasters that could occur anytime. January is already an eventful month for me. From the eruption of the Taal volcano to the forest fire raze, earthquakes here and there that happened in either later weeks of January to early weeks of February, etc.

Despite those uncontrollable events and disasters that happened, I still continued to live a normal life. I am sure most people did the same thing. Life must go on after all. However, the shock of the world came in when Covid-19 became the world pandemic. This definitely changed the lives of people globally. March came and the world almost stopped. Establishments started shutting down. People are required to stay home for the lockdown to be safe from the unseen enemy. We are reminded of the value of hand washing, social distancing and keeping clean and healthy to protect ourselves from getting infected. In short, health became everyone’s top priority. Which is great, right?

So, mid-week of March when lockdown was declared but without being told up to when we are to stay this way. Changes slowly kicking in, even to the lives of children–whom for me are the most affected ones. I have seen how my kids transitioned to going to the playground, moving, running here and there, etc. We have limited all access to allowing them to socialize with their classmates or playmates. A month has passed and my boys are still okay. But when it went far from four months of being locked in the house — cabin fever kicked in. It is hard to let them understand that pandemic is there and because of that you are still not allowed to go out, etc. Yes, they understood the concept because I explained them in scary way so they will be more aware of the danger the virus could cause their lives. However, them being active human beings cannot be cooped in longer inside the house– is slowly wearing them out.

It will never be an easy journey. I am not complaining but this abrupt change we are experiencing now made me feel a lot more challenged. It is fine to deal with all of the changes– it is normal. However, there was this point where I started questioning my ability to understand, to survive, or fear is overlapping more than all of the positiveness that I have. For the past six months, I must admit that I started experiencing a sleep disorder, anxiety is starting to kick in and the fear of not surviving is bothersome. I am glad to be alive and healthy for the past six months. I am grateful for the grace of God to be with my sons and of knowing that those people who are important to me are healthy. However, I mourned for my relatives whom I didn’t get to see, give my proper goodbye and even proper funeral as respect to them since being in the pandemic had prevented every possible way to do so. These kind of events somehow made me value the time I have right now. Nothing really is permanent and life is too short to live by to be honest.

As I am to recall how I have survived the past six months, I am praying that I have to thrive for the remaining three months and two weeks left for the year 2020. I am praying that this pandemic will end soon and that the world will survive this. It is too much to bear, but it is a learning of a lifetime that one must look back to in the future and feel grateful to still be one of the people thrived through it. I am trying my best to keep holding on, to stay strong because I have got no one to be there for me, but I have got two boys leaning from me. I am writing this to remind myself that I will get through this, or every one in the world with get through this.  I know I have asked myself if I am still okay, I am unsure of how I feel earlier, now I am much clearer of how I feel. I realized that it is okay not to feel okay. How I feel is valid. It is normal to get tired, but not giving up matters the most. This reminds me of a line from a friend who used to say: Thank God; I am alive and not dead.

Self-affirmation

It has been six months since the pandemic had changed the lives of the people globally. Establishments shut down, people losing jobs slowly, economic crisis happened every where. Health became the most precious thing we learned to value the most. All of us are encouraged to were mask, observe social distancing, and become more responsible of our actions. These changes had forced us all to adapt to what we now call “the new normal”.

Amidst the changes we all are facing, the pandemic taught us to appreciate what we now have. We have seen families being reunited, spent more quality time with the poeple who mattered to us, reconnected to our old schoolmates, classmates, friends which we never heard from before, etc. It taught us to give importance to the present. We all are focused on what future will be, I must admit, I am one of those. I have always planned for the future but rarely value my present time. I almost forgot to live my gift and that is the present time which is great, though.

However, as I continue to recognize the good and bad of the pandemic brought to my life and my sons, I have to constantly  remind myself of the positive side. Hence, the challenge of it somehow is unbearable. I have to convince myself every time I open my eyes that I am alive, that I am fine, that I won’t get sick. I have fear for my boys and with that continues update of the increasing cases of COVID-19, my heart aches for the safety of my love ones. I fear for them and their future. 

I have experienced sleepless nights. I have cried myself for hours. The worse, is the fear to share what I am going through because I don’t want to share the burden to anyone. I know mostof my friends are going throigh the same shit. I have made myself available to them, listened to their pains and anguish, in which sharing my thoughst would make them feel bad. I choose to set aside my personal struggles. Because I choose to be strong for them. I choose to listen to my sons dreams when things get better, so and so. I had choosen to take it to the level that I will only understand. 

Other than being available for others need, I realized that I need myself for my own need. I need self-affirmation. I have to believe that I am here for myself, too. It is not shameful to know that I am available for myself. Since then, I looked for ways to cope with my anxiety. I used motivational video and speeches whenever I am close to losing hope. I listen to daily devotions, songs that help me fall  asleep, etc. Shifting my negavtive thoughts to positive ones can be hard. But again, nothing is unachievable to a determined soul. 

  Despite the challenges, struggles as single mom like me is going though especially nowadays, self-affirmation helped me a lot. I learned that affirming myself that I am capable of doing every thing helped me feel a lot better. As long as God’s giving me the chance of opening my eyes the next day is one of the things I look forward to. My comfort is knowing that I am with my sons healthy and safely. When I realized that self-affirmation is necessary, I have valued myself more. 

 

 

 

Emotional Abondonment: Is there such a thing?

The outbreak of Covid-19 wasn’t really that of a big deal for me back in December last year. Like others, I didn’t take it as an alarming case. I lived my life to what  I call the ordinary days. I go to work every day, I do my day to day routine, spend more time with my boys especially after my road trip, etc.

However, every thing changed when March 13 came. It was the day of the declaration of community lockdown of the National Capital Region. Oddly, I wasn’t in Manila during that time. I was on a roadtrip to Cabanatuan with my team. Most of us were deployed everywhere in Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao to be honest. Although we were everywhere, gladly, our managers made it on time to pull out all the set ups and aborted the operation which is supposed to be for ten days.

All happened too quick that our minds are set to going back to the city before the total lockdown. During those times, it didn’t daunt on me what will happen after this. I took it lightly. I believed, it is pandemic and of course, our safety matters. However, after a week being at home and most of the establishments started closing down, that was when reality started sinking in.

I started forming questions that maybe someone can answer or maybe not. Maybe what I am feeling is the same with the others or even worst especially to people who depends to their monthly pay check. It is hard to estimate on how long will the pandemic would be and how long will this small amount of savings last. The first three weeks was fine. I tried avoiding social media unless I want to talk to my siblings who were abroad. Or unless, I need to check on the update on how many have been infected, so and so. I am mostly online on viber since it was the main source of communication we use to get updates from our managers and that’s it.

To cut it short, I tried everything I can to tone down the negativities to the best I can. However, it is inevitable to ignore what is happening around me. I realized, the more I ignore what is happening,  the higher I am entertaining the fear of the unknown. Psychologically speaking, I am developing that tones of “what if’s again.  But I tried to be strong. I have two boys with me who kept on asking when will this virus be gone so that this lockdown will be over soon.

Nevertheless, no matter how much I tried  ignoring the fear I am feeling, I am starting to go on a night without sleeping and just there staring in the absence of light. I stayed late in bed unless, I have to attend the team meeting. I didn’t entertain the fear and my sleepless night is disturbing me.  I am slowly becoming pessimist of the situation. I am loosing the hope that things will get better. In short, I ignored the fears of losing everything. I bottled in everything and I am slowly loosing the grip of holding on.

However, I am grateful it didn’t get to the depressing point since it just came in time that our Human Resources personnel started doing workshop and training on mental stability during this difficult times. It is painful to ignore and masquarade your emotions, instead, we were encourage to voice it out. We were given suggestions to talk to people and share how we feel. What had been bothering us– how our mental state while we were on lockdown, etc. We were trained to divert the negative situation into the positive side on why we were experiencing this and that.

It is helpful to be able to share your thoughts to people who would be there to listen to it whether these are good or bad. Expressing them to someone who will be there to just let you pour that emotion will help release the developing anxiety. It maybe hard to find someone whom you can comfortably express how you feel, but what I learned so far was–never abondon the fears, the anxiety and the depression. Healing is a matter of acknowledging you have this kind of emotion. Seek for the help of professionals if needed. If it isn’t the worse, then, talk to your closest friend/s who would listen to you.  They will be there for you because they care. No pretenses needed. Just voice it out. The more you abondon that emotion, the higher the chance of not being able to conquer it.

 

 

 

 

 

Weaknesses

I am posting something  in hopes that men and women out there would learn to realize their worth and value. Someone that is close to me triggered me to write this. I hope she’ll find this link when I publish it and would know to value her worth.

Heartbreak is inevitable. It is something that both men and women all go through. Although it comes in different ways and in many forms, it is guaranteed that while you are broken, there are also countless of ways to get over it and eventually move on.

I’m writing based from the observation people had gone through. I am not relationship expert as my love life used to be complicated, however, I am given or even gifted with an irony that those who were broken tend to run to me for advice. I don’t decide on their behalf but I allow them to find the solution on their own, instead.

Why break ups tend to make us weak? Why it hurt us so bad that even lead us to even end our life? For reasons I can’t fathom for others, it angers me to hear people saying I am tired of my life and want to end the pain right now.

Yes, it hurts so bad that it makes our heart numb, it changes us to be the best version of ourselves– to have revenge over someone that is involved.  For the past days as I observe people who cry over their failed relationship, it came to me that few are the common mistakes we make to experience the same. Only the degree of pain is different. So why I believe weaknesses destroys our sanity?

We became weak when we get hurt. We lost control of ourselves. We focus only on the pain. We believe we don’t deserve the pains. Yes, you have the right to be angry. You have the right to feel defeated. I have been there. I’ve been hurt countless of times. I have failed relationship, too. I used to be weak as well. We have all the right to feel all those in the spur of time.

However, I have a counter act. I am responsible why I am feeling this right now. Why I feel so broken of my failed relationship? Perhaps I myself didn’t believe in the first place that it is not going to work or it is not going to last. It is simple as I didn’t put my TRUST fully. I only focused myself on the bad side that I saw. You see, I was in a constant battle on how it is going to end. Well, I didn’t believe and it was what I’ve attract. And yes, I had a failed relationship. We cannot blame just the other person. Maybe we had given our ALL. But maybe we didn’t accept that the other person isn’t perfect. That I must have accepted the fact that I myself have my own evil side. While I have seen what must have I done, it was too late for me to restore it. I’ve lost it anyway. 

While I have gone through pain in different ways, what I am trying to do is to rescue people who are close to me to not go through the same path. I am giving them advises and preventing them from getting hurt. But I keep forgetting  that they have their free will to do what they want. I guess it became my weakness to not see people breakdown and cry in front of me. I became so vulnerable of pains. It makes me angry and sad. But I’ve also learned that they will not learn their lesson from my mistakes but from their own.

We may have those weaknesses. We may have our down moments. Remember that in every coins you have, there is always the other side to look at it. If we have our weaknesses, remember that you also have your strength.

When you believed you are over something and You Had

Have you ever thought of something that used to be your reasons to smile?

Have you ever thought of moments that used to make you feel like you are in the ninth heaven?

Have you ever thought of those simple gestures that made you want to freeze the moment and never want to move to the next level?

Of  course you did.  If you had those moments in life and while you enjoy those memorable events that gave you romantic excitement, there were those moments that you wished you never had gone through.

There were also those times where you had hoped you never met someone whom you used to cherish but gave you reasons to hate the world.

For so many reasons, we, humans aren’t spared of getting hurt and being happy. Life is like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes, you are happy at the top of your lungs while often, you are down to deepest hole of darkness.

We experience different shades of brokenness. We loss people that matters to us–loved ones, friends, relatives and brake ups. While we are succumbed with sadness,  often we have different reactions to how we are going to move on and how are going to deal with it.

While I had gone through both break up and losing someone that mattered most to me in the past year, I was left with this question. When I believed I was over something but NOT.

It just came to me abruptly. How would I say I was over my break up and had moved on?

1. I can talk about it without in tears.

Admittedly, I am strongly emotional. I easily cry over things. I cry over the sad story of someone else’s, of the break up of someone else’s. I always let myself feel what the experience of someone is and that is how I connect to them. That’s how I understand them. Yes, I am blunt and straight forward but my respect to people is high.

When I went through that same experience, I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and made myself understand the pain I’m going through. I accepted the fact that I have no control over the matter. I taught myself to move on and accept that fact that things happen for reasons. Lastly,  I managed to talk to it now smiling not crying.  I believe I am healing gracefully.

2. I can talk to the person involved without sounding sarcastic.

To be honest, breaking up with kids involve is harder than the common break ups for boyfriend’s and girlfriend’s. Why did I say that where in fact both situation goes through the same emotional pain? When you broke up as bf or gf’s, you only focus on your personal pain. You focus on healing alone while having the kids involved means forgetting about your pain but focus on helping the most vulnerable people involved in healing. While you make sure your kids won’t feel the most painful experience at a very young age, you have to be strong in front of them.

Not only that, time will come they’ll ask you when they can talk to their father or mother. In my case, I allowed them to talk to their dad. I didn’t teach them to hate him despite the situation they are in. They knew what broken family is but they don’t feel like they are broken because I made sure they are complete. ❤

3.  I forgive BUT I don’t forget.

I give chances and I’m generous of the word forgiveness however, I don’t forget how I was treated. How I was hurt and how I learned the lessons from the painful experiences. Seriously speaking, I preferred cutting ties with someone rather than pretend to be okay while being broken in the inside. That’s not moving on is for me. Moving on is not taking the person back in my life. I may have given the chance to talk to that person again but it doesn’t mean I’m taking that person back again. Maybe, I would have just considered that that person is human and still exist. 🙂

4. I don’t play a VICTIM.

If I get hurt, I vent and rant. I’ll give the same amount of pain. Maybe when the wound is fresh, I try to hate but not to the extent of believing I didn’t have any participation. I tend to over think and over analyzed.

When my anger subsides, I have to ask myself why it happened and how it happened. When realization hit me, I know I am part of the failure. 🙂 I got hurt but never a victim of how terrible things were. I accept that once, I was part of it. 🙂

So why continue to blame someone of the experiences you have had if most of the time you’re part of it? Why not teach yourself to accept the FACT that being once in a relationship is an involvement of two parties not a single one?

Admittedly, acceptance is the hardest part when you are in pain but truth be told, acceptance is also your key in healing. If you accept, you learn to forgive not that person but you forgive yourself that once in your journey you failed but you managed to bounce back not just tiny but BIG TIME!

Having said that, I am proud to say I have been broken countless times but is healing happily.